Holding On
by Alias-JoyLemmon
Summary: For As.The.Screen.Fades.To.Black. This is about Jake and Bella but in a different light. Post-BD. Song by Jay Sean. What happens when you keep loving someone you know you're not supposed to? When they love another and you are supposed to as well?


**"Holding On"**

_As band and song suggested by .., this goes out ot her! This is JakexBella one, done in Jakes POV _

How'd I let it get this far  
>What was going through my mind<br>Why'd you seem to have it all  
>Yet you're not mine<br>Started off as just good friends  
>Still we always step the line<br>Coz falling for you was so easy  
>Ohh..<p>

If anyone had asked me, what I had thought at this exact moment, it would have been something along the lines of:

"How'd I let it get this far?"

You're everything I want  
>You're everything I need<br>You're everything I want my girl to be  
>And even though I know<br>You're in someone else's heart  
>I can't bare to be apart<br>See I've fallen for you  
>And I've gotta let you go<br>And I know that I have got to  
>Find a way to get on with my life<p>

I stare at her, from my vantage place standing behind the lounge. She's watching something – something she brought over where every sentence ends in an '-eth'. It's down right boring.

But still. Looking at her, how can I not tell her?

That she everything.

Everything I need, I want.

But I can't tell her.

For as much as she means to me, I know.

I know that she still belongs to someone else.

To that stupid blood sucker. He still has his icy grip on his heart.

But even so, any space apart, whether distance or time, hurts.

I don't wanna let you go (let you go)  
>But it's killing me inside (inside)<br>How can I just carry on  
>I need some piece of mind (need some piece of mind)<br>How do I just move along (along)  
>And ignore the love so strong (so strong)<br>So until I see this through  
>I'll be holding on to you<br>How'd I let it get this far  
>What was going through my mind<br>Why'd you seem to have it all  
>Yet you're not mine<br>Started off as just good friends  
>Still we always step the line<br>Coz falling for you was so easy  
>Ohh..<p>

I don't want to let this go – let her go – quietly.

The universe, fate, God whoever said that I belong to her.

That she belongs to me.

That we belong together.

In a perfect world, we would have been together.

But it's killing me inside, slowly, but surely.

How can I keep loving her, leech and all, knowing she's never going to love me back like I need to be loved.

I just need some piece of mind. Something to help me move along, to keep me going.

SO I don't have to ignore this anymore.

SO that I can see it through.

So that I can still hold onto her

You're everything I want  
>You're everything I need<br>You're everything I want my girl to be  
>And even though I know<br>You're in someone else's heart  
>I can't bare to be apart<br>See I've fallen for you  
>And I've gotta let you go<br>And I know that I have got to  
>Find a way to get on with my life<p>

"I've fallen for you," I whisper in her ear, though I know she's sleeping, and she can't hear me. For a vampire, she can still sleep.

"_My_ Jacob," She whispers in reply, my wolf rumbling contentedly with this.

I don't wanna let you go (let you go)  
>But it's killing me inside (inside)<br>How can I just carry on  
>I need some piece of mind (need some piece of mind)<br>How do I just move along (along)  
>And ignore the love so strong (so strong)<br>So until I see this through  
>I'll be holding on to you<p>

I know, in my heart of hearts, that this will never happen.

That this love that I have for her, no matter how deep, how true, will never really happen.

But, until then, I'll fight for her.

I'll fight her for her heart.

I'll keep holding on, for as long as I can.

To you... baby...

I'll be holding onto to her – because, for now, she's mine.

Throughout the years with her I've tried  
>To find the joy beyond the pain<br>But when the words and tears subside  
>Girl it's still the same<br>And I can't look into her eyes  
>Without thinking about you<br>See I've tried but these feelings won't leave me  
>No...<p>

It's been years, since I've known that I love her, and that maybe, deep down, she might love me back.

And I've tried to find the joy in those moments years ago when we were still young – still alive - of holding hands, of almost kisses and when she looks at me like she loves me. But now there's only pain.

And I've felt the words she says to me, her denial of our relationship, and how they bring tears to my eyes, but even when they're gone, I still can't look at her without thinking, imagining, _knowing_ what we would have been.

I've tried so hard to get rid of these feelings for her.

But they won't leave.

You're everything I want  
>You're everything I dream<br>You're everything I want my girl to be  
>And even though I know<br>You're in someone else's arms  
>I can't bare to be apart<br>See girl I fell for you  
>And I don't wanna say goodbye<br>And I know that I have got to  
>Find a way to get on with my life<p>

I know that someday, I'll have to say to say goodbye. I love it when she's here, when she's around, but I'm better when she's gone.

Well, I will be better when she's gone.

It'll be the only way for me to move on.

I don't wanna let you go  
>But it's killing me inside<br>How can I just carry on (how can I)  
>I need some piece of mind (piece of mind)<br>How do I just move along  
>And ignore the love so strong (so strong)<br>So until I see this through  
>I'll be holding on to you<p>

How do I move on though? How can I ignore these feelings? Ignore the love?

Until I know how, I'll still be holding onto her.

I look away when he holds you  
>For I'm afraid that I might find<br>The look in your eyes  
>That I see when you were mine<br>So tell me why I've got to be  
>The one to walk away<br>And leave you there in someone else's arms  
>(Won't let you go away)<p>

When Edward is here, I can't look at them together.

Because I'm afraid.

I'm afraid that I'll see exactly what we were, what we might have been in her eyes.

And I don't know why it has to be me, again, who has to walk away.

Who has to see her in someone else's arms

I don't wanna let you go  
>But it's killing me inside (killing me inside)<br>How can I just carry on (how can I)  
>I need some piece of mind<br>How do I just move along  
>And ignore the love so strong<br>So until I see this through (till I...till I)  
>I'll be holding on to you<p>

I just don't want to let her go – and it's killing me inside to have to.

Throughout the years with her I've tried  
>To find the joy beyond the pain<br>But when the words and tears subside  
>Girl it's still the same<br>And I can't look into her eyes  
>Without<p>

thinking about you  
>See I've tried but these feelings won't leave me<br>No...

And, even all these years later, even though she's married to him, and the chains of imprinting have me locked to their daughter, it still kills me.

Because I still love her.

Because I won't look her in the eyes.

Because I refuse to see what should have been.

You're everything I want  
>You're everything I dream<br>You're everything I want my girl to be  
>And even though I know<br>You're in someone else's arms  
>I can't bare to be apart<br>See girl I fell for you  
>And I don't wanna say goodbye<br>And I know that I have got to

Find a way to get on with my life

This is madness – a werewolf in love with a vampire, but forever stuck with a vampire/mortal half breed.

I've got to find a way to move on with my life.

I don't wanna let you go  
>But it's killing me inside<br>How can I just carry on (how can I)  
>I need some piece of mind (piece of mind)<br>How do I just move along  
>And ignore the love so strong (so strong)<br>So until I see this through  
>I'll be holding on to you<p>

But I'll just have to carry on.

To endure.

Because that's me – dependable old Jake.

I look away when he holds you  
>For I'm afraid that I might find<br>The look in your eyes  
>That I see when you were mine<br>So tell me why I've got to be  
>The one to walk away<br>And leave you there in someone else's arms  
>(Won't let you go away)<p>

And I know that it hurts her seeing me with Nessie just as much as it hurts me to see her with Edward.

But I still have to walk away from her, with her once again in Edward's arms.

I don't wanna let you go  
>But it's killing me inside (killing me inside)<br>How can I just carry on (how can I)  
>I need some piece of mind<br>How do I just move along  
>And ignore the love so strong<br>So until I see this through (till I...till I)  
>I'll be holding on to you<p>

But, until that time comes when I absolutely _have_ to let go, I'll still be holding onto her.

Holding onto hope.

Holding onto Bella.

Holding onto our love.


End file.
